Hiya again. It’s me, here to write another super deep feely post. See that picture of me up there? ^ Yeah it’s giving me a headache. Not because I’m vain, and I look ridiculous in my “coke bottle bottom” glasses, but because I am wearing said glasses right now and they’re crushing my cranium. These babies are HEAVY.
The thing is, I’m legally blind. I also have a very drastic astigmatism, so I’ve never been an eligible candidate for LASIK. Not enough cornea, and it’s too oblong. Bummer.
So when I heard about ICL’s (Implantable Contact Lenses) I was feeling pretty stoked! That is, until I was informed that no one in the US would do Toric ICL’s because they hadn’t been approved by the FDA in America yet.
My options were to get a passport, buy a ticket out of the country (most likely Canada) and then get the surgery there. The problem with that is, 1) I don’t have a passport. 2) It’s more expensive to fly out of the country than to do it here. And 3) My eyes are SO bad that the surgery itself is going to be many many dollars.
Not that I couldn’t get a passport, but why go to all the trouble, right? (<- I’m lazy, I guess). The other arguments are completely justifiable, though.
Anyway, a few weeks ago, I saw online that –YAY– Toric ICL’s have FINALLY been approved in the US! I called Hoopes Vision right then and there, not even taking the time to do my research to perhaps find a cheaper option because I want to get it done now.
Here’s the thing though. I can’t wear my contact lenses for 5 days before my appointment to give my cornea time to settle into it’s own shape (even soft lenses can change the shape of your cornea).
My family and I went to see END GAME this morning (omg omg omg, it was SO good, more on this later)… And when we got home, I had to pop the ol’ contacts out of my eyes and then slide these old, cheap, internet-bought glasses on my nose and then try and stumble through the house. My vision is so bad that when I wear my glasses, everything BENDS and it gives me horrible vertigo. When I’m standing up straight, and look down at my toes, I honestly feel like Antman when he’s mashed the BIGGER button. My feet look miles away! Never mind trying to walk down the stairs or around corners.
No way am I going to drive like this.
My appointment with Hoopes is in T-minus 4.5 days now, and I have to stumble around dizzily until then, and hope I can avoid a migraine. I can already feel the fingers of pain grasping my skull at this moment, and I’m holding as still as I can…
I have never taken my contacts for granted. Whenever I tell people how bad my eyes are, I get a lot of “whoa,” and “geez,” and “dayum, girl.” I can’t see. My prescription is -8.0, if that means anything to anyone. And since I take my contacts out every night before bed, I do spend a small amount of time every single day completely blind. Okay, I can see, but it’s all extremely fuzzy and I can’t make out any details. Putting my contacts in (after washing my face and hands) is the very first thing I do every day. In fact, when my girls come in to get their hair done for school, the first thing they ask me is, “Do you have your contacts in yet?” They know I can’t do a decent job of anything with them out.
There have been times in the past where I’ve had to go without contacts. I’ve lost them, damaged them, etc. And I always feel extremely vulnerable when I don’t have them in. In fact, when I first got pregnant, I wondered how I was going to handle night-time with a baby. It worked out because I did mostly everything by feel. If I had to change a “poopy,” I would plonk the cheap ol’ glasses on to get the job done. But I didn’t need my eyes to pop the babe on the cheech (this is a family nickname for breast (what can I say, except you’re welcome….)).
What things do we take for granted? I look at other individuals who have lost limbs, who were born deaf or completely blind, others who have mental handicaps, and physical ones. People come in all sizes, shapes, colors and some of them don’t come with all the parts. I can’t imagine what it would be like to have to survive without arms. I would hate to not have my hearing because I love music, rain, the sound of my children laughing, etc. I have a friend whose son is a walking miracle because he was born with only half a heart!
Our bodies are a miracle. The things we can accomplish with them are amazing. But even more amazing are the people who can do amazing things when they don’t have all the pieces (I know, I said amazing a lot). I marvel at Beethoven. Ray Charles, Stevie Wonder, Hellen Keller! I’m only touching on a few, but they still wow me.
Even though my body is far from “perfect,” and I suffer from health problems, chronic pain, etc, I am still so grateful for it. I’m grateful I have all the “parts” even though my eyes need help. I’m so grateful for the marvel of modern medicine, that I have a possible opportunity to have a long-term solution to my blindness. I can potentially go swimming without worrying about losing a lens anymore. I clasp my hands in hope because I can’t imagine what it would be like to wake up in the morning and be able to see my husband’s face clearly, without having to inch as close as possible and burn him with my dragonesque-morning breath.
If this works, if I am able to get the Toric ICL’s and everything goes well, this is my vow: I will do my best never to take anything for granted again.
I think that’s a really great step towards happiness. Because when we’re always grateful for what we already have, we don’t have time to be dissatisfied with what we don’t.