MIDLIFE CRISIS?

For those of you who’ve seen LOTR:TT, you’re familiar with this scene. The King asks his buddy in the background, “Who am I, Gamling?” Now, Gamling has gotta be thinking something like, “Oh man, not right now,””we’re about to have a battle,””please don’t lose it here, Kingy…”

Nevertheless, Gamling calmly answers, “You are our king, Sire.”

Anyway, the rest of the conversation is moot. Really the point here is that I was asking myself that same question recently. Except without the Gamling.

(Ok, I totally did include Gamling, but that’s because my mind is a jumble of movie quotes that pop up all the time. Just ask my husband…)

Anyway, recently I was asking myself, “Who am I?” I know myself pretty well, so the question was really more to ask what do I want to BE or DO.

Already, I’m a wife and a mother of four (which means I is one busy lady), and also an active and practicing makeup artist. I have plenty of other hobbies and loves and things, but one thing that, I think, is integral to my personality is that I LOOOOOVE to read. LOVE it. I am actively reading or listening to several books at a time (right now, it’s 3).

A few years ago, after I had my second child, I was feeling a little bit of the emptiness that comes when you give your all to small ones. I started praying to God to ask Him to help me find what my talents are.

Shortly after that, my wonderful (and amazing writer) sister-in-law asked me if I wanted to apply for a web content writer where I could work from home. I thought, “ok sure…” with absolutely NO confidence, but I did it anyway. Turned out that her boss, a good friend of mine now, liked my submission the best and so I was hired. Go me.

I’ve always liked to write, but that was the actual moment that I realized it. In High School, I had a creative writing teacher tell me that I had a talent for writing, and I totally blew it off. But as I started my wee web writing job, I remembered what she had said, and I thought, DAYUM, I can do this! Prayer answered, right??

Not that I’m super good at it, or anything, but I found some awesome satisfaction in it. And I started writing my very own first novel. It stunk, btw, it’s gathering dust on my cyber-shelf in the back of my mind. Perhaps I’ll go back to it one day.

That was almost 12 years ago now. I’ve worked on my novels off and on for years, always changing, never finishing.

Then, one fateful dinner a few months ago, I had a woman ask me how many books I’ve finished.

!!!!!!!

I was SO mortified that I had to answer ZERO.

Gamling, “You are an idiot, Jen.”

That was when I had the, “Who am I, Gamling?” thought. I’ve been in a group of aspiring writers for several years now. Some of us write pretty consistently, some don’t. I’m not so consistent. But I’ve realized lately that if I really want to write, and I REALLY do, I need to do it more often. Not that it’s easy, I have 4 kids and writing is deep work. I don’t always have the muse with me to work on my current novel, which I’m trying to finish within the next month.

So I took a page out of a friend’s book (pun int.), and decided to start a blog. This way, I can write down some thoughts while honing my skill (blush), and my posts can be as long or as short as I want, time permitting. I still want to work on my book, and I will. But for now, I consider this blog as a whetstone to sharpen my mind and hopefully build my talent.

So thanks for joining me on my journey.

“Hold on to your butts.”

1 Comment

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